Joy As Resistance

Audre Lorde said, “Joy is an act of resistance.” I’ve been thinking about this quote a lot in light of the events that have unfolded over the last months in the United States. For those who read enough history to see the writing on the walls, life feels overwhelming and bleak right now. I’ve spent my life in one state of resistance or another. I’ve advocated for human rights and the environment my entire adult life. I’ve marched, plotted, and protested. I’ve campaigned, voted, and donated. I’ve done everything in my power, and still, it is not enough. Here we are, armpit deep in the mire of oligarchy.

I recently lost a very good friend. They died after being mentally and emotionally abused by their partner for years and years. The abuse they experienced was calculated. It was meant to tear them down bit by bit, day by day. My dear friend gave up hope and saw no way out of their circumstances. We didn’t know this was going on. It was a complete shock when we learned of their death. What appeared as “business as usual” was breaking down my friend to the point where they felt there was no other option than to take their own life. They were partnered with a narcissist.

Since my friend’s death, I’ve spent months thinking about the abuse they endured. As a result, their partner’s abuse tactics have taken up significant real estate in my brain. I’ve stirred the pot of my anger and frustration. Every time I stir the pot, it seems to boil over. About a month ago, I decided that this person had taken up too much space in my head. My dear friend wouldn’t want me to be victimized like they were. Those of us who believe in the validity of the human experience, its vast variety and beauty, feel the same desperation right now. We are in a relationship with a narcissist who is now leading our country. The difference is he doesn’t even know our names, and he never will. But he (and his team’s) tactics will be the same: a day-by-day breaking of our spirits through disinformation and distraction.

How will we respond? Will we stir the pot of our anger and frustration? I’ve long believed that anger is a valuable emotion because anger breeds frustration, frustration breeds hope, and hope breeds change. The caveat of anger is that if we only stir the pot, it becomes our habit, and then we are caught in the same trap as my dear friend: swirling in the pool of hopelessness.

What can we do instead? We will, of course, keep marching, plotting, and planning. However, our most significant act of resistance will be cultivating a habit of joy in our daily lives. It will take mindful effort. There will be days and weeks when it may feel impossible to do so. When this happens, remember that joy isn’t usually loud or large. When the bleakness creeps into my mind, slowing down and paying attention to the many wonders around me is often my first step back into ease. Sometimes, those wonders are as simple as a hot cup of coffee on a cold morning, a good book, or a walk in the woods. Wherever your wonders are, I hope you find them and cling to them like a life raft. You are too precious in this world to be swept away in hopelessness. Protecting your beautiful soul. It is the greatest gift you can bring to the world right now.

Your joy is an act of resistance.

Go get it.